Why are we still using coins? According to my god, Wikipedia, coins were invented around 600 BC. BEFORE COINS. Which doesn’t make sense. Anyway, that’s around 2700 years ago. Do you know what else we still use from 2700 years ago? Our sexual organs. That’s about it. I hate waiting in line while little old ladies fish pennies out of their purse and helpful men hand over an extra dollar to make the change process easier. Just TAP THE PHONE and GET IT DONE. Oh, you’re a drug dealer, and need a way to make untraceable payments? Cashola. Worst comes to worst, do gift cards or something. You’re smart. The penny lobby is holding Congress back from doing what the people WANT and NEED to survive their busy lives. At this point, pennies and nickels cost more to manufacture than they are worth. What?! At least just get rid of coins in cities. You people in nowheresville can have all the coins you want while you’re sitting on your porch sipping lemonade made from lemons you found on the side of the road while hitching to make that big trip 15 miles down to school every day because there’s only one school in the whole state because only 5 people live in your state and so WHY DO YOU GET TWO SENATORS that is just dumb. Franks.
This Week on In The Distract: Keg and Eggs, The future of video games, National pie day, the Waltz, MathAlive!, stand up comedy, and more!
Wednesday, March 14
Today is National Pie Day. Those of you subscribed to the American Pie Council’s emails will already know this (it is 3.14 after all), but you’re welcome to those that have yet to take the APC leap. In honor of this momentus occasion, Emily Hillard and Radio CPR are teaming up to throw a Pi(e) Day Benefit for CPR. There will be a huge selection of pies for you to sample, live old-time music (as opposed to new time??), a pie walk, and some coffee. And did I mention a whole lotta pie?! This is pretty much a no brainer. PRETTY MUCH. $5 suggestion donation, 6-8:30pm.
Thursday, March 15
Secretly, I think you’re a math nerd. You went to Pie Day yesterday. You can hide behind your kegstands, your tiny dog, your picnic blankets, your fish tacos, your college basketball, but the math will come through. Whether figuring out how many cups of beer in the keg, how much food for the dog, how much wine you can fit in your basket, the perfect proportion of guac on the fish tacs, or the stats to get you to win the march madness pool, math helps. Tonight at the S. Dillon Ripley Center (it’s one of the Smithsonian’s you’ve probably never been to), check out Fun That Counts: Beyond The Numbers, a Mingle at the Museum event for the newest exhibit at the Ripely Center, MathAlive! What’s this exhibit all about?
In nearly 40 interactive experiences, the exhibit takes math from its native form into the applied worlds of design, engineering, technology, and science. Test geometry skills on a rock wall climb, explore sound waves as you create a music mix, crack espionage codes, and jump into a fractal dance party.
Your ticket includes one drink and light refreshments, along with access to that oh-so-sweet cash bar. $35, 6:30-9pm.
If, for some reason, a fractal dance party doesn’t appeal to you, I’m sure you’re at least ready to sit (stand?) back and laugh. Head over to Paperhaus (this is actually a rowhouse) for Comedy Night, hosted by Brandon Wetherbee. The evening features 9 different comics and a musical performance by Andrew Grossman of the North Country. FREE, BYOB, 8-11pm.
Friday, March 16
I see you nervously looking at your annual leave, hoping the number will magically go up so you can take that 3 week vacation to Antartica to save the humpback whales so that Earth will be able to respond to the alien probe that begins wreaking havoc with the planet’s weather patterns. Well, that probably isn’t going to happen, but guess what? Your sick leave is looking foot loose and fancy free. Today, at 8am, is the 13th annual Keg and Eggs, hosted by DC101′s Elliot in the Morning. It’s basically a free concert with free beer at the 930 club. Performing today are Anberlin, Sleeper Agent, Carbon Leaf, and host Bert Kreischer. It’s early, but could be fun if you can swing it! FREE, doors at 7am, show at 8am.
For those of you that have to work but still want to have a good time, fear not. Tonight at the American Art Museum, check out back-to-back panels on the history and future of video games. For those not in the know, the American Art Museum has a new exhibit called the Art of Video Games that is supposed to be quite nifty keen. If you’d rather skip the panel, you should definitely come by for a free screening of the iconic film Tron. Not the crazy new version, but the original, released in 1982. The film featured some of the first use of computer generated imagery in a film and is pretty much amazing. Go see it now! FREE, panels 3-6pm, film 8:30-10pm.
Saturday, March 17
The day is finally here. You’ve been pregaming St. Patrick’s Day for about 2 weeks now, and this is it. Your chance to wear green, live green, go green, dance green, sing green, drink green, be green. I’m dying my teeth green, personally. That is how I show my appreciate for the Saint Patrick man. So, what to do? Hit the National Mall and search for 4-leaf clovers and leprechauns? That is indeed one option. The other is to go to one of the four bazillion parties going on. Every single Irish bar in the city is going to be packed. Every single non-Irish bar is going to be packed. It’s just going to be crowded. As opposed to every other Saturday night in DC, amiright?
Anyway, assuming you decide to take the plunge, try Fado’s in Chinatown. There’s a $10 cover, but you’ll get to watch Irish dancers and hear live Irish music. Party starts at 7am, cover starts at 8am. So you have an hour to sneak in for free. Rumors in Dupont is hosting Shamrocks and Shenanigans, a party with crazy drink specials and a $5 cover, and Town Tavern is also hosting a party (no cover), both of which will be more drunken-boogaloo festivals than anything else, but if that’s your thing, then so be it. Town Tavern has a $10 open bar from 8-10pm. Woof.
Sunday, March 18
We all know that the Millennium Falcon Stage at the Kennedy Center has awesome free shows every day of the year. But they’re usually early and people complain about “working” and “eating” and “happy houring”. Well, that ends today. There’s a great show on a Sunday, which means you have plenty of time to wander on over during the day. This evening, learn to dance the Viennese Waltz with free dance lessons at 5pm followed by a performance by Sidney’s Viennese Waltz Orchestra and open dancing at 6pm. I have no idea how to waltz, but it seems like something reputable gentlemen do. And as we all know I am nothing if not reputable. FREE, 5-7pm.
Monday, March 19
Reggae is kind of a polarizing musical form. Either you like it or you hate it. Or maybe you just think it’s cool cause that one cute rasta girl is into it. Whatever. Tonight, one of the pioneers of the genre, Toots and the Maytals, comes to 9:30 Club to regale you with their cool reggae beats. Supposedly Toots was one of the first groups to use “reggae” ever. They formed in the 60s. I’m not quite sure how that math works, but whatever, hopefully after pie day you’ve got the know-how to figure it out. The Constellations open. $26, 7pm doors, 8pm show.
Tuesday, March 20
The brain is a pretty amazing thing. It got us to space, after all. And twinkies. And dubstep. I wonder what kind of music the astronauts listen to. Anyway, author Jonah Lehrer has written two pretty fascinating books on cognitive science relating to remembering and decision-making, Proust Was a Neuroscientist and How We Decide. He’s back with a third book, Imagine: How Creativity Works, and will be on hand at Politics and Prose to give a talk about the book, answer questions, and sign your chest. My eyes are up here. FREE, 7pm.
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